WLB
December 5th, 2024
Grandma is sick. She's terminal and going to pass away. They cut off treatment and she's only on pain medicatio now. She was a serious and stoic person, who didn't show emotion often.
In life, she always cared for me and her grandchildren. She loved us so much, and loved babies so much having reared ten of her own.
There was a language barrier, but she loved us so dearly. I loved her simply because she was my grandmother.
I hope she finds peace wherever she goes.
Goals
When I started working, I realized that you can get away with a lot and go forward a lot by just ignoring how you feel. You can get a lot of things done by swallowing your emotions with just alcohol or drugs.
And, frankly, the majority of people do that. I think so. That's why the majority of humans don't really talk about how they feel---because they don't care about how they feel---and therefore they don't care how you feel. How they treat others is a sad state of affairs of how they treat themselves.
In the past month, I'd call this "unemployment talk" where "I wouldn't have the time to be talking about this if I were gainfully employed." But I realize that's kind of toxic speech. In reality, this kind of bullshitting and talk about feelings might be the only thing worth time.
Maybe gainful action is the only thing that might be worth time.
When my parents pass away, and I'm distanced from my siblings, who will I have to be truly honest with? I ask myself that sometimes. When I don't talk to anyone about how I truly feel, and everything is distanced to a degree with coworkers and friends, I ask myself, who will I have in the end?
I get home, I play six hours of League of Legends just to escape from my terrible work life balance, and then I leave.
I can't really be honest with my cousin, because it's clear he doesn't support me as I support him. My grandma on my mom's side was right about him, he's not a good friend. I tell him about my WLB, and he can't sympathize. He feels since I earn more money, that I should be able to take it. That, I'm paid to take it.
Which is fine. But it does make me feel alone.