Where did we end up?
April 7th, 2024
I had been cutting sugar (much to my parents' dismay) for the past few weeks until yesterday, where I had a big oily pizza. (5g per slice. That's 1 tbsp of sugar a slice.)
Needless to say, I had such a severe mood swing it ruined the vibe.
Also, for a short while, I felt a sugar rush. My senses sharpened, and I felt like I was young again: my vision wasn't blurry. We were at the beach, I could see the boys on the beach playing in the sand from a quarter mile away and at the same time take note of the wooshing cars behind me. I could smell the summer breeze and think thoughts about the cracking buildings behind me, damaged by the sea air. It felt like time slowed down for a second, and I could be aware of every single entity my eyes could lay itself on.
Yes, eating large amounts of sugar for a short time gave me sensations of being high. It was beyond delightful, and I understood why people clamour for sugar. It's a drug.
This Blog
I originally started this blog to journal about my mental health. In some aspect, it is. But a lot of my conclusions about determinism and other crappy arguable philosophical abstractions that delineate from the nature without words ended up here, at the chemical level.
Sugar. The root of all evil.
When I realized my current mood wasn't caused by past events, and that it was caused by my emotional stresses. When I learned to dissociate a bit, and realize that my thoughts are highly correspondent with my mood 100%, and when I realized that my body was the source of my emotional distress moreso than any present context.
A lot of people don't realize that they aren't their moods or mood swings. It's scary.
A lot of people don't realize their feelings are outside of their control. And a lot, a lot of people don't realize other people's feelings are outside of their control. Nobody picks how they feel.
A lot of people, if not most everyone, don't even consider the idea that their mood determines the thoughts they are allowed to have.
Most people believe that they can control their thoughts. I sort of realized that the biochemistry is so strong that "control" is too strong of a word. We're not in control of our thoughts as we ought to believe.
The question now, is what is the "I" in "I am able to control my thoughts." Am I just the body and the biochemical hormones flowing through it? How scary to think of it.
Morals Be Damned
My question is, if I am having "baby's first existential chemical crisis," then why do so many people believe in morality? It doesn't make sense.
Morals be damned, if anything at all, are post-justification of biochemical reactions.
Justice is a hormone.
I would not be surprised in the near future if, when we are able to measure a person's entire body, we can predict their health, their personality, their sexuality, whether they identify as male or female, or their propensity to commit crime.
We could even fix their personalities by modifying diets. Who would've thought! Instead of prisons, we'll have feeding institutions where we force feed individuals healthier meals or do fecal matter transplants. We'll have surgeries to cure criminals and pedophiles.
I think one day, when we find the biology behind personality, we'll start to treat mal-adapted individuals as medical issues, and issue pills to modify and re-correct personality to a societally acceptable standard.
Think of that! How dystopian! But if we do uncover the biological mechanisms behind personality, is it not the only logical outcome? Why let individuals who feel the need to commit crimes run rampant with faulty biology?
We originally thought AIDS was a moral failing. Now we know better, but still believe obesity is a moral failing (it's not.) When will personality no longer be a moral failing?
All...... for what?
For now, I'll run in the sun. Cheers.