What's the Point of Life?
August 8th, 2022
Ohh fuck! not another angsty dude asking what the purpose of life is!!!*!$*??? it's so prEtENtiOus!!!!! stFU! jUsT LiVe lmaooo..!?!**!***!!!!....!$$$$$
Note: If the sarcasm didn't transmit to you: FUCK people who talk like the above. Analyzing your life like you have a stick up your ass is NOT a waste of time, in fact you'll be more than glad you did when you're laying on your deathbed or hanging off a noose.
Lately I've felt utterly unmotivated to do anything besides veg out to YouTube. Pair that with the fact that I got counsel with a stranger to talk about who I am, and she let me know that I'm a person that won't do a damn thing until they know why they're doing it.
And, unfortunately, I have to wholeheartedly agree with her. And to that, the core question kind of tugs at me: what is the purpose of living?
I'd ask this question quite often in my teenage years, but when I turned about 20 years old I stopped. Maybe I got sick and tired of not having a clear answer and decided it wasn't worth asking. But, that's ridiculous; of course asking why you should live is a good question.
It's good because it can reveal to you who you are and who you ought to be and who you ought to aim to be. Being a research nut, I looked up the question on various forum posts to see what other people thought and stumbled across this Hacker News post titled "Ask HN: What's the Point of Life?
Generic answers I hate
Now obviously, in the post you'll see the recursive non-answers such as "the meaning of life is to find the meaning of life," or a non-answer such as "just enjoy the ride," or "you're just supposed to exist."
Okay, that last cliche answer is actually alright. "The point of life is just to exist as is." This works pretty well, but to be honest I'm doing that now, "vegging" out on YouTube videos all day and playing mindless video games just to kill time. I am deeply unsatisfied though, so this answer doesn't quite work for me.
The recursive non-answers aren't satisfactory either. That's not a real answer, that's a placeholder answer to get you to start moving in your life and keep going despite there not being an answer.
And good God, I fucking hate the "there's no objective reason to live a life." Those are awful, because they refuse to answer the question out of "intellectualism." I have such a strong reaction to them because that's what I thought at 20 years old. Now look at me, at 22 years old, back to asking the same damn question because of how shitty my life has been lived up to this point. I need a practical, retard-level response to the question, not an answer that's unsatisfying but "seems smart."
A cool answer to the question
But despite running into these everyday, roundabout answers I found one that was distinctly unique (credit goes to kaycebasques.) I will break it down piece-by-piece:
Some people might shy away from answering this question for fear of coming off as pretentious but the way that I see it is that we all implicitly act out our belief about the meaning of life through our words and actions (or silence and inaction).
The statement, "we all implicitly act out our belief about the meaning of life" is powerful. Kaycebasques also covers the idea that action and inaction are forms of judgement. It's an expression of values and non-values. It's an expression in our belief for what humans, or rather more generically, what we should and should not do. And that belief supporting our action or inaction, that's the foundation for our reason for existing.
So you might as well get clear on your own belief. The trippy thing is that some people probably live an entire life without getting clear on this question.
And that's the thing I have trouble understanding. Why most people I meet try to dodge this question with ridiculous ease, despite clearly having an idea in mind for how they should act. The fact that they choose to do things and not others clearly means they have a subconscious philosophy in mind and are in denial.
For me it's joie de vivre [1]. Joy is my north star in a very primal sense of that phrase (imagine you're navigating a terrain you've never been through and you're relying on the star to keep you in the general correct direction... you never know what's ahead but you can always know whether you're heading towards the star or away or you've lost it entirely). I don't have a clear singular purpose in my life. But it's easy for me to tell when I'm doing something that brings me closer to or further from joy.
So here he states that his purpose is a loose reason. His reason for purpose is "joy," but joy in the sense that it's a guiding light that's very far away from wherever he is. Despite this, his raison d'etre is far more concrete and practical than anything else in the thread.
Right now I'm sitting in Golden Gate Park, sipping a coffee, reading a book about the history/ecology/etc. of Joshua Tree. I'm at peace right now because that star is directly ahead of me. I'll leave it at that and also mention that I wax philosophical a bit in my sabbatical prologue" post [2].
Here he closes it off with how he's applying "joie de vivre" to his real life.
But the core realization was in the first part: that everyone already has a raison d'etre in their subconscious because they choose action or inaction in response to anything and everything. Whether that reason is just pure survival, or curiousity, or joy, or whatever is implanted in our minds at a young age, it's definitely there. And it's definitely influencing our decision-making processes.
Supposedly the amygdala is crucial for executive function, a.k.a. the emotional regulator (if I remember correctly.) Maybe therein lies our purpose for life? Somehow in that decision tree, our instinctive reason to keep living and to do certain things are rooted in our emotions? Not sure... (interesting tangent though.)
And so, back to me.
For me, the follow-up question is: why do I feel disatisfied about the way I'm living my life now?
Because, that action of just deciding to feel disatisfied in such a strong way is rooted in my belief to what the purpose of life is. There's no other explanation that I can accept: I'm making a judgement call in how I spend my life, there must be a reason why. If I refused to make a judgement about my time spent on this planet, then that too, would be an indication of how I see the purpose of my life.
I feel as if, I weren't living according to my nature. I wasn't doing things that I wanted to do. I wasn't being who I want to be. To let the words barf and flow onto the page, simply, I just feel as if I weren't living up to my potential. As far as my contributions to humanity goes, my contribution, my mark on this little blue sphere on this planet. I feel as if I weren't making the true difference that I'd like. I'm deeply unsatisfied with how small I've become and how few people I meet nowadays.
There's just an inkling of a feeling that I too am not happy. I feel in denial that I have such a humanist philosophy rooted in my psyche, but that's the truth of it. I feel as if I weren't dedicating my contributions to others well enough and that I haven't made a good impact on the lives of others. Whether or not that's true is up for grabs, but the idea of that disatisfaction is getting closer to my raison d'etre.
And, to be frank, my feelings of what I'm doing here is better. I'm making something that can be read and is produced for future generations to read. Something for them to see and read what some doofus in the 21st century is thinking. Some average joe I suppose. Some internet dweller. That feeling that something I've made is helping someone, is, well, deeply satisfying.
So could I say my purpose in life is to help others? I suppose so. Actually, it probably is the case, because my mind is reacting strongly in denial. And anything the mind reacts strongly to is usually something worth investigating, whether it be a positive or negative reaction.
But surely, there's something else. Surely there's something else tugging at my psyche. Why do I want to go outside at midnight where nobody's outside then? Why do I feel a desire to draw pictures and show nobody? Why do I feel a desire for solitude? Why do I want to be left alone to my own devices then? What are these things... these choices I'm making... in particular... how do they connect to a humanist approach anyway?
Perhaps, you could say I'm a humanist in denial. I'm asking myself, "Surely it can't be this simple!!!" Well, frankly when I'm in such a dumbass denial like that, it's more likely than not the case.
I can no longer say that my purpose in life is to find a purpose in life. Definitely not. I can no longer say that my life is purposeless. Definitely not. That comment altered my life surprisingly, and to be honest I'm even more surprised that nobody commented in reply to it.
Now that I think about it, who says there can be only one reason? One raison d'etre? Surely, it helps to focus and have only one, but when did humans become so simple that you'd only have one reason to live? One purpose on this planet?
That's ridiculous. I think another reason I feel as if is to observe the beauty of this world. I just want to see how beautiful this world can really get. That's something that makes me feel strongly too, but moreso in a positive manner. I loved seeing the mountains of Utah. I love the muggy, sweet smell after a spring rain (the word is petrichor, I'll never forget it.) There's a Faulkner quote something along the lines of "when the land is darker than the sky." Or perhaps Melville's "we're all slaves to something" speech from Moby Dick.
It's the pretty things I like too, like watching anime girls doing slice-of-life things. Or colors just ridiculously vibrant or ridiculously mellow. It's the contrast of them, or perhaps the cohesion of them together. It's an odd thing to obsess about, but quite frankly the colors just do it for me.
I have a love for paintings for this reason. I also listen to music a lot, and just hearing how the melody floats on top of the harmony, or perhaps a chorus takes over for a split second. Things like that just makes me want to seep into the earth and lay down for a while.
These two things: helping people and observing beautiful things, they aren't really that unique. If anything, they're pretty "shallow." Surely further depth can be reached with these two things.
Of course. But I'd take this answer over any recursive answer anyday. Of course, yes, it's subject to change just as implied by the recursive answer, but I'm much more satisfied with a less-truthful but definite answer rather than a truthful non-answer.
Maybe you could say I like these things because it brings me joy? It certainly makes me feel good when I satisfy either of the two reasons. Maybe, you could say I'm just like that other guy with the "joie de vivre" thing. As long as I'm heading towards that direction I'm fine.
Well, that's enough writing for today. Goodnight.