Wa wa
February 7th, 2023
Pa pa. Tu tu. Tu tu. Tu wa wa.
Five things I'm grateful for:
- running!
- a conversation with my sister and her boyfriend
- the taste of 2% milk
- a cool night sky, when the rain is drizzling on you lightly
- my favorite YouTuber uploading a video (television for the 21st century)
The past
I've re-read a couple of my old posts. It's quite easy to see my mental state has vastly improved within just a few weeks. In fact, I'd do well without any therapy at this point.
And, that I actually disagree with most statements I've written. People change so rapidly. I wonder if any other bloggers out there change their minds just as rapidly.
Maybe it's because I'm getting older? Or, is it the self-acceptance that I've pushed for? I have no idea. But I'm absolutely in a better head-state.
I guess this blog really is working
Y'know, looking back on my teenage years, the way older people treated me made sense. They'd say nothing and just listen, smiling even. Maybe they felt nostalgic interacting with the angst and anxiety I'd desperately try to hide. They knew nothing they'd say would help at all. So they just listened.
I appreciate that they had lent a listening ear. It helped.
A lot of people across the internet struggle with mental illness. It's strange seeing their all-too-similar struggles. But from personal experience I know empathizing with them will make their mental state worse.
No matter how much I'd like to help them I can't. Their struggles are something they'll have to figure out themselves.
If you do struggle, I suggest journaling. Maybe not publicly like I am (who knows how this'll bite me in the butt) but it definitely helps with thoughts.
And it's made me realize that... I'm just a person. And so is anybody else.
This blog
I'm writing here to say what's on my mind, but it also serves as a public archive. To see how much I've changed.
Plus, I moderate myself when I know that someone might be reading. Being in public makes me think twice about picking at my "mental scabs."
Doing so has probably let some scars heal.
Neocities
Neocities probably isn't this best site for this. The Neocities subculture tends to lean towards old-internet recreationists and esoteric creations. Not so much... dirty diary entries. I'm an outlier in that sense.
In fact, the landing page even claims Neocities is a social network:
Neocities is a social network of 546,200 web sites that are bringing back the lost individual creativity of the web. We offer free static web hosting and tools that allow you to create your own web site.
But thinking on it, I think it's alright if I "pollute the waters" a little bit. We can all use a little bit of crazy.
So even though I'm less angsty than a year ago, I'm going to keep writing in this blog. Filling it with things that upset me and things that make me happy. Maybe more of the happy stuff from now on. Maybe not.
