Twenty-three
June 17th, 2023
I turn twenty-three soon. No, I'm not going to complain. I figured this day was coming.
Sad? Sure. Yeah. I feel a little sad. My early 20s wasn't how I expected them to be. Sure.
But I'm sure these next few years will be better. I'm sure that I can sort out my mental state soon.
Asperger's, or ASD, I guess. It's really semantics.
I am starting to be more cogniziant of the fact I have extreme trouble socially. Not in that I fail to understand social cues, but I blurt out things that are accidently offensive. I am starting to notice that I am quick to tell if someone is weirded out by me, but unfortunately I don't know how to fix it.
That, and I suffer badly from depression. I can't even make out reality that well honestly. Half the damn time I feel like I'm on auto-pilot mode and someone else is controlling and saying the shit out of my mouth.
So I decided to book a therapist. But I'm having trouble trying to schedule a time. They're always only open during core work hours, so it's hard for me to go in especially since I'm already working.
Life is a lot harder in the normal world. I lived in Silicon Valley for some time, and I realize althought my social skills certainly declined, I always went home feeling okay.
Now when I go to work and come home, I'm exhausted. It's hard. It's difficult. My body aches and I am sore. My muscles tense and my throat feels blocked.