Time Flies
August 24th, 2024
I still don't have internet connection in my apartment. It's annoying I lost connection to all my friends back home in Texas.
Dead Internet, Sunk Cost, and Moving on with Life
I notice that older folks don't spend time on internet, video games, or really all of that time-wasting activity, you know?
I guess as you get older your priorities change. I'm starting to feel the effects as someone in my mid-twenties, and as someone who doesn't really "have a life" or "has their shit together."
When you combine poor parenting strategy with neurodivergency, you get a strange concoction of eccentricity and low self-esteem.
Yes, I have a lot of catching up to do. I realize that my story isn't like the vast majority of people here in Silicon Valley. A lot of people here had strong parents with strong mindsets who pushed them in the right direction and set a good example for their children. Most people here don't suffer from social disabilities, and continue to strive to maintain their social networks.
They maintain relationships, have athletic hobbies, and push themselves to improve every day in their careers. They're literally the cream of the crop, and also to top it off have easygoing personalities. But I will say, they are more on the egotistical side, since they have to be to succeed like this.
They have self-respect, which I lack. Which, frankly, makes me insufferable in a way.
The question is: by my yardstick, where do I land? Obviously, by these other folks yardstick, I'm not much of anything at all. Comparing myself to these people---I'm nothing.
Maybe that's why I feel so at unease. These people have it all---career, social life, and good health. How can you even compete?
I think I try to... I try to...
Life is tough. I think I would've faired better and gotten farther had I listened to my teacher back in high school and dormed during college. I would've learned more about myself as a person faster.
Seems like all my coworkers have got it figured out. Seems... enviable.
Self-Respect
I think that's really all it boils down to, as a guy who squandered his years.
Do I respect who I am, and who I've become? I uh, I don't know.
I think I can, and I think I should. I mean, considering where I came from, sure. I don't see why not.
I wasn't financially in trouble all the time, no,