This Kind World
February 6th, 2025
This world is so kind, yet I'm still me.
I used to think this a lot. I hated who I was. I still do.
But the fact is the whole world is so kind to me and full of nice people. These people are depending on me - they're depending on me to get better. I need to take responsibility and get better, and accept the burden and trust they've placed in me.
Relationships are about trust, and the people in my life trust me to take care of myself. I must take responsibility and get better. I must return the kindness they've given, and not return cruel trauma by killing myself. I can't do be doing that. I can't be making other people sad like this.
Suicide is not an option. Realizing this makes me feel suffocated, because the idea of suicide makes me feel free. It makes me relaxed that I can end it all.
But to this kind world... I cannot betray this kind world like this. I could not handle myself if I did.