Seggs
April 29th, 2024
I'm a virgin. Actually, I think that much was obvious. I'm also twenty-three years old.
I used to be more stressed out about the whole ordeal, but lately I've come to a sort of---acceptance? Not that I'll forever be a virgin, no. Just rather, yeah, that's what I am.
The words kind of start to lose their hold on me---maybe as you get older they just lose their hold on anyone. Or maybe it's my hormonal health that's gotten better, and that I've gotten less sensitive and irritable about practically everything. I rarely talk to people anyway---they're free to think whatever.
Still, I want to have sex. I think it's a built-in human hard-wired trait to want it to some degree.
Strange, isn't it?
I need a cigarette. Thinking about human relationships is a bit taxing on my brain. Looking back, I've had a few girls interested in me, but I always self-sabotaged in some mental spiral of despair. It was that I was too mentally ill, and my meta-cognition was too self-aware that I'd drag them into my depressive loop. So, I stopped myself in my own tracks. Everytime.
I don't want to hurt people. Maybe I retain some sense of strong morality---that sort of admirable feeling.
Feelings of Blight
Still, as a male, I'll catch myself leering or glancing at pretty women. I even caught my uncle(s) do it a couple times. I guess it's just something that's in humanity's blood. I don't believe it's a good thing at all; I think it's evil---as per my Catholic upbringing.
I wonder how much free will I have. Can I stop myself from the obsession---should I stop myself?
Whether it's right or wrong, who knows. I know that I want sex, but I also don't want to hurt people. It's difficult navigating the communication requirements of being a human, for any human---and I always found it amusing that despite all our knowledge on science and philosophy, we still struggle with the knowledge on how to connect with our fellow human beings.
