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Real Burnout

June 26th, 2025

An inability to focus and keep facts straight. A lack of support. My manager piling and accepting more and more work.

I told myself I'd quit tomorrow. There's too many bullshit tasks on my plate and I think I'm really going to lose it. I am not necessary to this team, and I feel like all the work I am doing is practically worthless.

I'm burning out, and it really shows. My work quality is shoddy and I'm starting to not give a shit. I'm going to be merging unreviewed PRs and I really couldn't care less. I am burning out and I will burn out.

I was playing a social deduction game with coworkers, and of course I drew the evil card. They asked if I were the evil card, and I was just so out of it I said yes, and they executed me. I gave up. No defense. I just could not give a shit. I gave up, stood up, apologized and said I wasn't in a good state to lie and play, and walked out of the room.

My friends are texting me messages asking what's up, and I... I think I'm losing it.

I sat in my car and cried while listening to my Spotify playlist of liked depressing songs. I've just had too much of it.

What I wanted

I wanted a wife and kids in a Texas suburb. I wanted them. And. What the fuck am I doing here in Silicon Valley?

"If there is a next life, I would still have chosen to report taxes and open a laundromat with you."

Why don't I just go back home... and find a nice girl. Have kids. I don't know. The money isn't really anything at all. It doesn't matter one bit until you have a reason.