Poor Sleep
October 24th, 2025
I woke up this morning around 3:30 AM. My Oura ring is really bright when it scans.
Improving my sleep quality was one of my goals, but it seems my ring is doing the complete opposite. Now I am worried about my sleep.
I was upset yesterday because J hadn't texted me, and I know that sounds silly. But I see it now why girls leave me—I'm quite clingy when I get attached.
Of course, I know better than to communicate my neediness like that. I mean, I am sure that some people like being relied upon, but not too much if that makes sense.
Thoughts poured in my mind to cut things off with J, that it's for reasons like this I avoid relationships. "That sometimes, people like myself are better off alone for the better of the world." But, I gently remind myself that I am not special, and many people "feel the oxytocin blast." It's quite, frankly, going to be okay. And, well, to be careful of language, because "language is the house of being."
Again, I am hungry. I skipped breakfast yesterday and ate a light lunch. Then had a heavy dinner of cod liver, five eggs, and beans. They say that heavy dinners can cause sleep quality to decrease. This morning I am hungry.
But this is again the certainty of facts. And with what certainty does anything at all exist? By these measurements and numbers am I really starting to be convinced that they are hardline meaningful?
I really ought to go for a morning jog, to reset my system.
I bit my lip the other day and there's a hole, and my thoughts are all scrambled. I can tell that I am not at tip top condition. I masturbated ferociously, and then devolved into degeneracy watching porn.
Perhaps I am dehydrated. Perhaps I really ought to go and exercise. You know. Take care of myself. Clean my room.
Back to Living
L texted me a couple days ago to complain about her job. I don't know how to tell her politely that I found another girl I'm interested in. But I said to myself it's okay. Just to let things fizzle out.
I haven't met up with J the security guard in a while. J my coworker has been talking with me quite frequently, and we get boba a lot at work. He's a friendly chap, but he distracts me from being able to complete work.