People
March 16th, 2024
Random thoughts ahead. Garbled nonsense.
War
What if one day, military technology evolves to the point that human are a useless resource in war. Drones take over all the fighting, and when all the drones are exhausted on one side, they surrender? There is no "fighting until your last breath" in the face of an overwhelming drone force or nuclear strike.
Like how in World War I, humans became less useful in the trenches against the machine guns. Perhaps we'll reach a point where we won't even need to risk sending humans out to die. (A positive stance on in military technology.)
I don't think conflict between humans will end, but in that idea of things, maybe murder may end one day. When we, against technology, realize the harmlessness of humans and surrender before any lives are actually lost. In a way, devaluing humans raises the value of humans.
Guilt
My mother was an insecure workaholic. My father was aloof and lazy.
My mother would use this against us: that she worked day in and day out for us to take care of us. She would accuse us of being horrible, useless, and annoying. It hurts, you know? If I wanted any justification that I was a good child, I would also need to work day in and day out like my mother.
Funnily enough, I tried to. I was very young at the time, but I realized that I needed to emulate my mother to have any moral justification for a good existence.
But funnily enough, my mother would stop me. Every. Single. Time. I wonder why. I think she liked accusing us. To this day, when I am feeling weak in spirit, my mother will not hesitate to step on me.
I still question if I am a good existence from time to time. If... even good as a category exists?
Maybe it is no wonder why I have abandoned morals and words.
Grandmother
My grandma teaches me to believe in karma. That good comes to good, and bad comes to bad. But it's hard my friend. My mother is good and bad (by my ruler, mind you.) What comes to her?
I don't know if even the universe organizes itself in that casual way, or if that is an illusion of instinct.
She told me to eat ginger for my stuffy nose. I think that's what matters more, anyway.
Unconditional Love
How much pressure do you put on someone if you tell them you love them unconditionally? You'd think that love is good, but at the same time, it's expectation, no? That I love you, it's an expectation that you reciprocate. That's stressful.
Perhaps the greatest form of caring is one without expectation. Maybe, the root of all evil in relationships is expectation.
(That I wash the dishes, you need to take out the trash. Or if I'm feeling annoyed, that you stop bothering me this instant. Or if I get to watch TV, you get to read a book. That sounds troublesome.)
In the future, in my relationships, I will keep in mind to feel without expectation. I cannot expect someone to feel a certain way.
Feelings
I think the greatest breakthrough I've had in all my introspection is this: We cannot control how we feel.
How easy life would be if we could. At least the idea makes me empathize with all humanity.
Maybe we regulate feelings through our relationships, like nodes in a neural network influence the weights of the nodes around it. Each node a person, and each edge a connection. Maybe.
Probability
Probability is our war, our hope against uncertainty.