My Life
June 23rd, 2025
My grandmother did not march through fields of land mines at gunpoint carrying fifty pounds of rice to the frontlines for me to bitch about work-life balance.
My mother did not sleep on the streets of Kuala Lumpur re-selling moldy fruit for scraps of rice just for me to sit here and bitch about my life.
My grandfathers did not go to war and get shot at, just for me to philosophize in circles.
My father did not suffer ostracization and discrimination in the foothills of the midwest for me to dwaddle.
And I did not suffer all these years of heartbreak and humiliation; these grueling interactions of being an inferior, minority race; to be looked at like an alien and with scorn, and to be treated as a yellow-bellied enemy for all my waking life; I did not go through relentless abuse at both home and school; I did not keep my head down and play the role of a submissive coward for me to just sit here at my prime and complain about my life.
I have suffered through discrimination and abuse in my life. I have been starved, beaten, abandoned, alienated, and outcasted by the people in my life growing up. Never have I felt "American," and never have I felt loyalty to the society around me that only accepts a being that keeps his head down and submits to the White supremacy undercurrents that flow in western culture.
The story I ought to be telling myself is my story. Of how my peers rejected me. How they pinched their eyes and stuck their tongues out. How they ridiculed my "Chinese chinky face." Of how they chased me around and told me of how physically inferior I was, and how bad at sports Asian people were. Of how the disgusting, subtle undercurrents of racism just permeated through society, and how I was never invited out and never accepted as one of anyone. Of how my parents repeated in my ears every day of how worthless I was.
How to this day, I still have to play the submissive jokester that sits underneath the White man's jeers of jokingness, that the Asian race is something to be appealed and chided towards.
The Majority Race
Being of the majority race confers advantages that the majority take for granted. You'll never hear of the benefits of being the majority, because the majority is normal. It's normal to have a network of family and friends who are established. It's normal that teachers and older adults during childhood invest the time and resources the mentor you. It's normal to have some conflict here and there but be able to come out to a reasonable resolution.
I'm in the echelons of the elite, and I can still feel the echoes of who was a majority race when they grew up and who wasn't. You can tell how they act, how confident they are in themselves, if they question who they are, and if they even question what they think.
Lee Kuan Yew
The following are passages from Lee Kuan Yew's memoirs of his life, around the era of colonialism and post-colonialism.
It is funny, how colonialism has ended twenty-six years ago with the handover of Hong Kong, and how so little has changed in western culture and society.
Just replace Chiang Kai-Shek with Kim Jong Un, Jackie Chan, or Bruce Lee, and there would virtually be no difference. The White Democrats cry their racial equality, and the White Republicans sit down in ignorance, but the result is all the same, I, as an Asian living in a western world, still experience the same degredation and disrespect that Mr. Lee Kuan Yew experienced a century ago.
I make note of this, because this is the same humiliation and colonial attitudes that so many people say does not exist, yet look! Look at how so little has changed over the decades -- how so little progress has been made.
And to this day, you look at the Fortune 500 companies, you see the White-faced boards and C-suite. Oh, and look at all the engineers and salaried individual contributors, and how colored they look. How then is this? The words have changed, and we have become oh so more politically correct, but if you look at the bottom of the barrel, with the results there staring you at the face, nothing has changed at all!
The big boss is white, and the other big bosses are white, and they live their superior lifestyles in superior cars eating superior foods.
"They were patronised by the white officials, but accepted their inferior status."
I feel this to my core. I feel like Asians in America have to do this implicitly, without even realizing it or giving their consent to live like this. To live underfoot of a White superior undercurrent that just won't go away.
It will never go away as long as the White race is the majority, and they latch onto power through their pre-defined networks. There's nothing to do about it -- and there's nothing to change about it.
This too, mirrors how I felt when I met the Chinese who lived in China and moved to the States. There is something implicit and unknowing in being the majority race that confers such an advantage. That you can be seen for who you are, and not think about the way you look, and the self-actualization, and the process of becoming who you are just accelerates as a member of the majority race.
Why I Support China (Chinese people, not the government)
It's crazy as an American to say this, but I have to say the effects of CJK (and Vietnam) and their positive popular media outlets have only served to boost my quality of life and status as an individual. When Pan Zhanle won the freestyle record for the Summer Olympics of 2024, I was ecstatic. It was taken away from the White men, who boasted superiority against Asian genes. It was a win for me in my book because it showed me and people who look like me that "White superiority" isn't a fabric of reality.
The rise of Japan and South Korea and China have only done be good. It's made me attractive. It's gotten people interested in me. It's gotten my status to rise, and for people to take me seriously, even though I don't belong to any of those countries ethnically or genetically! Funny how life works out. But the fact is that people see me and they see someone who's attractive and who's got value beyond just Jacke Chan. They see Asians as individuals, characters in shows, and most of all, people with lives colored of their own beyond just race.
I can only cheer on for the continued rise of China. Even though I live in this shithole country that's running itself into the ground and can't figure out damn right from wrong or up from down, the rise of China will only serve to benefit me. Maybe, just maybe, it's time to start learning Mandarin and Vietnamese again.
And you don't need to tell me, the Chinese will not treat me as one of their own. Oh no no no. But neither will the American. I am saying this that between the two great powers, if I had to pick one, I'd pick the one that serves people who look like me.
People say you shouldn't spend your time for others, do it for yourself
They say "be yourself." And "prioritize yourself first." And "nobody is going to take care of you but yourself!" And on and on and on.
I say to hell with that. You know what I respect? A man who lives for his family. Who serves his family. Who serves his people, and does it ferociously. I don't respect the self-serving man one bit, I don't. I don't respect a guy who only cares about himself, and is greedy, and leaves out the good fat for only himself. I respect the man who's willing to put his life down on the line to better himself and his people.
I am not an American dog, who laps at the shit flung at me. I was born an Asiatic, an Oriental, chink, or gook, or whatever the hell you'd want to call me. I don't give a shit, and I refuse to put my head down and bow down to this racial inequality and mistreatment any longer. I have dignity. I have pride. And I am worth all the matter and mettle.