My Lesbian Bisexual Friend
September 20th, 2024
That lesbian friend who cut me off, I pretended like I didn't care. No, I think I care about her. Deeply. Much more than I thought.
And in my mind, I sort of realize that she was hinting that she liked me too. She mentioned that she was unsure if she were bisexual. It's hard to describe.
Additionally, in hindsight, we did stupid roleplay crap that only honeymoon-phase couples would ever do. I don't know why. Don't ask me. I don't want to think about it.
But she's gone. She, one of my closest friends in life, ghosted me. And I gave her a reason by arguing about dumb politics and minimizing her feelings like an asshole.
In hindsight, I am right to ask her not to focus on the negative news all the time. That is the healthiest option. But I lost her as a friend. She told me to fuck off basically, and she ghosted me.
I lost a good friend. I had been depressed for a few weeks, and now I realize it was because of the things she said to me and the way she treated me. I felt awful. I felt guilty. I honestly should have phrased my words better, and most importantly, not minimize her problems.
I loved her and her dumb antics. She pops in my head a lot. I don't think I am the same for her.
I'm just, sad. I hope she lives a good life. I hope she lives a good life. I hope she finds happiness and peace in the world.
My eyes are watering a little. I just. I just miss her. I don't know. I miss her dumb messages about her stupid husbandos and whatever dumb bullshit gacha game she's playing. I miss her weird messages that she'd send her siblings and whatever stupid porn she's reading this week. I miss hearing about her day or about what she's dealing with. I miss hearing about her work. I miss hearing about her parents and how she wants to retire them. I miss her bullshit, I miss her sense of humor. I miss hearing her dumb, stupid, nasally, nerdy voice. I miss her.
And I gave it up all for some stupid politics. I'm just so damn stupid.
It's too late. I don't have her contact anymore. It's not going to be possible to find it. I'm just a dumbass, and I hate it so much.
And I should leave her alone. I respect her decision to ghost and stop talking to me.
Goddamnit. I just, there could have been, there could have been a timeline where I'd marry her, we'd do dumb shit together, we'd laugh and cry and argue together. I just, I just...
I just made the wrong choice, and that future just isn't anymore.
In another life, I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you.