Misery
December 10th, 2024
Mom, dad, did you know my life would be this lonely? Did you know that I wouldn't have any friends I could talk to? Did you know I wouldn't have a lover?
Did you know that nobody would care for me besides the two of you? Did you bring me into this world knowing all that?
When I think of having kids, I think to myself, "the life I've lived, do I want someone else to experience it?" I assume you thought the same as I, and I assume that you came to the conclusion that life was worth living.
Mom, dad, I'm going to eat dinner alone again. I don't have anyone I feel close enough to invite and tell them how I feel. I feel like a burden. I feel useless. I feel like that I'm just here to ruin their day. I'm here to ruin their vibe. I feel like, I feel like, I feel like I'm the devil himself.
I feel like throwing myself off a building. I don't know how else to put it. I don't feel all that great, and I don't feel like this life is worth living or has much to offer that is happy. I'm miserable and tired and miserable and miserable.
I'm just tired, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't turn out any better. It's just---well, it's just that I'm me.
I'm going to get something to eat. Maybe I'll feel better.