Life Purpose
March 2nd, 2026
- Last week visited UC Davis to meet R and C.
- Tried a couple restaurants, Korean and other restaurants.
- Talked to R. Awkwardly.
- Met C. Nice and funny.
- C's friends are far away, as people get jobs they get more distant.
- This week, went with C to hike Mt. Sutro.
- Went to the Ferry Building art fair. She didn't buy anything?
Life's purpose. I don't know. Going to answer questions from here to figure it out. Sixteen questions.
1. What would you do, if money and time were no object?
I would probably just go explore for a year, and afterwards dedicate all my resources to bettering humanity as a whole. I would drive better health outcomes in people, and enable people to take more ownership and autonomy for themselves. I want to make people feel like they are in control of their lives, and imporve the outcomes of everyone's lives.
That they feel in control. That they feel empowered. That they feel stronger. I want people to be able to live the lives they envision and want, and to pursue it to its fullest degree.
I think the most important thing for me isn't to eliminate suffering, but it's to essentially create systesm where suffering is reduced. It's to create systems where suffering makes sense, and that outcomes are more controllable.
I want to see that people are finding ways and abilities to take care of themselves and their families. Health outcomes are important to me because health is wealth—and that the thoughts you can have are heavily influenced by the foods you eat.
If everyone has access to clean food and water, and healthy food and water, I really do think that as a society as a whole would improve. As each individual person would be healthier, feel healthier, think healthier, and contribute to society in a healthier way.
2. What would you do/create, if it would just be something for yourself?
I would create probably a routine. A system. One that gets me going in the morning and feeling strong. And an easy system that allows me to understand my desires and wants quickly. And aligns with me in how I want.
I want to build a morning system that makes me feel good. I want to build systems for everyone that makes them feel good. On a global scale.
I would help people achieve the healthy bodies they wish to have on a global scale.
3. Doing what, makes you forget all about time?
Building. Building and talking with C. My relationship with C just goes by so fast, we spend so much time in each others' arms. Sometimes I feel a bit unsatisfied afterwards, but we spend so much time together it's crazy how fast the time goes by.
I have my gripes and tribulations about her, as does everyone, but that's my understanding of love anyway.
I like building new tools and applications though. I really, really like building. I like prototyping and helping people achieve their goals.
I find it interesting how people aren't interested in building, but for me, I love creating and making things that other people find useful. This blog in particular is useful for me, but I find a quiet joy that some people actually DO read this blog.
It's building in public that makes me feel enjoyable.
4. When in a bookstore, what magazines or books do you pick up?
Political books. Memoirs. Nonfiction. Things about art or design. I also enjoy a little bit of history. I find that politics is the highest impact vehicle for building systems that enact change, but it's a bit hard for me to grasp.
I also pickup Classical literature, reflections on the human condition, if any it is possible to generalize it, I wouldn't understand it.
I like tinkering books only if they're for a purpose actually, I don't really like reading techincal books unless I can find practical application for them.
5. What activity makes you come alive? Energizes you?
Building. I love building. Making things and tools and applications for people to use.
It makes me excited.
6. What did you love doing when you were a child?
I loved playing with legos and building things. I loved running around the neighborhood. I liked playing with the bugs, and dissecting them.
My curiousity was stronger as a child. I enjoy building things, yes.
It's interesting what sort of things we gravitate towards.
As a child, I'd run out the front door, off the front porch, barefoot, my toes touching the grass of which my dad poured fertilizer in the day before, making me itchy, but nonetheless plenty of space for me to play.
I'd love playing legos and with dinosaurs, fighting with dinosaurs and all that. Building boats out of my legos and crashing them into each other.
7. What is you favorite shit activity?
I fucking hate meetings and talking and persuading people. But it's part of the process. To build anything great you have to convince someone you're doing something great.
Hmm. I also hate handyman work, like Ikea furniture building. I don't like any of it.
8. What is it that can not, not do?
I cannot sit still. It has made me keep coding and thinking and literally keep tinkering.
9. For what help or advice do people come to you?
Domain expertise. Probably product questions, or technical questions. They come to me for this specific expertise.
I realize friends don't really come to me for much life advice, or do they?
Probably job woes if anything. Where to go to school. Not sure?
10. How would others describe you?
Intelligent to an extent. Not completely stupid. Compromising, agreeable. Submissive. Doesn't negotiate that hard. Easygoing.
11. What have you always been naturally good at?
I've been naturally good at academics, learning, and being self-driven. Self-reflection in particular. Writing.
I've been good at creating things and just making things work. MVPs.
I've been good at adaptability, and just learning things fast instinctually. I am an impulsive sort, but learning new subcultures is something I actively try to participate in.
12. What issue or problem really winds you up? Makes you angry? Or excited?
I hate how unhealthy American society for the most part is. I understand in California that's not the case, but in many parts of Texas it is. And LA too actually. Many Americans just aren't that healthy, and it's the systems we live in and enforce. It makes me frustrated we serve people a poisoned food system that's a race to the bottom because resources can't be distributed properly.
It's a complex problem, but it still nonetheless makes me a little frustrated.
13. If you would only have 5 years to live — while in perfect health — what would you want to get done before the end?
I don't know. Probably visit my family one last time. That's important.
Probably just spend the rest of my days trying to enjoy time with my family. That's the truth of it, there's nothing more important than that.
I know there's a strong desire to build systems and help other people, but at the end of the day, I want to just do dumb shit.
Five years is a long time though, I'd probably want to travel the world. See it a bit. Understand humanity a bit better, travel, all that sort of business.
I would like to.
14. How do you want to be remembered?
I don't think I want to be remembered. It doesn't matter to be remembered a la Ozymandias.
But of the short duration I would be, I think I'd like to be remembered as someone who did the right thing.
Not someone kind or nice, and not someone agreeable or easygoing. But someone who would do the right thing everytime.
15. Who come to mind when you think of the word successful?
Jensen Huang? Sam Altman? Elon Musk? Donald Trump? I think of power. Successful in the sense that they are able to accumulate so much power that they can move humanity towards a direction that is prosperous.
Incredibly powerful and influential people esssentially.
16. Last one. Take a goal you currently have. Ask yourself the question “Why do you want to accomplish that?”. Ask yourself this 5 times.
Why do you want to run a half marathon?
To feel like I'm moving towards a direction. Public recognition that I'm doing something.
Why do you want direction and public recognition?
I feel like I want something in my life. It feels empty. Public recognition is empty, but it's just something that feels so empty.
Why do you want to fill the emptiness in your life?
To find purpose. To find meaning. To find anything at all that'll boost me to do something with my life. I feel like rotting is just a poor use of time. The fear of death propells me to do something with my life. It just feels so empty, and that there's nothing in it. I just feel so sad. I just can't seem to figure out what I want to do with my life.
Why do you feel the need to fill the emptiness in your life?
I am not sure, but the feeling itself is what I'm essentially trying to address.
Why are you trying to address the feeling?
Because I believe that feelings are the crux and core of who we are as people. It's the definitive motion.
Why do you say that?
Because the feelings are so overwhelming and they cause me great duress.
Perhaps, is there another way of addressing these feelings?
Exercise? Diet? Sleep? You think that these things can modulate the feelings we feel? The thoughts we think?
Why do you think about exercise diet and sleep?
Because that's what I've learned from all my research online. That we are deterministic creatures that are beholden to the environmental circumstances that we participate in.
And why do you think we are beholden to the environment?
Because I see it—wealth begets wealth, and very rarely if ever do you find social climbers. It's very rare. We are beholden to the environment and society we participate in, and the people we choose to surround ourselves with. It's very pressing.
It's no joke that people with more resources are happier. It's no joke that people who are wealthier tend to be happier. We are products of circumstance, and thus we are products of our environment.
My life experiences talking to people of different background have beholden me to this. That people's families and their outcomes and experiences are all dependent on earlier events.
So I think we should create systems and societies that breed the best form of good, the good feeling, the resource abundance, and take into account things in the future that could reduce this.
We should all strive to build systems that help one another. We should all strive to build systems that bring a closer and stronger unity.
And why? Why do these things? To reduce the suffering, and why reduce suffering? We all know the cyclic fate of war and peace and suffering will continue to go on.
Yes, but we can reduce the suffering. Surely, surely can we not?
For the fate of humanity.
Why do you care for the fate of humanity?
Because I need to care for our fellow human beings.
Why do you feel the need to care? Many already do.
Because I feel awful, and I feel bad if I do not.
So, if you didn't feel awful, then you wouldn't care for your fellow human being?
Not necessarily, I guess, it's a question if whether or not I'd listen to my feelings. That's a good question. Should I listen to my feelings everytime, or are there principles that I abide by no matter how I feel?
So am I only principled because I feel I ought to be principled, or am I principled because of some logical constraint, some effect of reasoning or virtue?
I do not know.
Why do you not know?
Because I don't want to face the fact that all that I think and do are results of however that I feel.