Life Carries You Away
September 4th, 2024
Today was a lot to comprehend. I guess you just get used to it. I've been assigned to three projects and it's stewing the back of my mind. Tech is a lot more faster paced than you'd think---and tech on the product side especially
Visiting presentations, participating in design discussions, or at least, just trying to figure out what the hell is going on. It definitely takes a toll. Or am I just overexaggerating and stressing myself out?
It's hard to play politics all the time, but I guess it's necessary. It's gotta' be. Even with your friends and family.
My roommate wants someone to handle the rent, but I don't have that kind of cash on hand. I wonder what he thinks of me working at a "cushy" job, as if I had the obligation to fork out money like that.
I'm sure he didn't mean it that way, but the assumption that someone else is to do it irks me. Take responsibility, leadership, and if you want to make rent easy, you should fork out the money.
My Friend
I don't like how she complains all the time. It's a drain. It's a negative spew of abyssal poo. If you want to complain so much, you should do so in a blog venting to the void, and not inking other people with black stains of negativity.
It's good that she cut me off---I should've done that sooner. Cutting out people who drain my energy should be number one. There are a lot of people that just suck energy out of you, and if you can find people that give energy you really want to be around those people.
My older cousins are the same way---just pure negativity and dragging you down. I don't want that in my life. I want to look forward and positively to the future. My mother is the same way, just dragging, and my father too. I don't want to live a life where I'm dragging myself down from behind. I've already got enough burdens.
I've got enough responsibilities, and I want to keep going. I think I have the courage to keep doing it, and the ability to handle it. I have to. Because, well, what do we live for if not responsibility?
What She Complained About
She complains about things that do matter, I do admit. Sexual harrassment cases in East Asia are something that impacts her and her friends. That's true. I should've been more sensitive around the topic, though I should have been more clear about putting my foot down. I don't want to hear her complain about these things if she's not going to do anything about it. I should've been more upfront instead of being polite about it and trying to resolve the conversation.
Sometimes I come to the conclusion that being more honest is the wrong thing to do, but somehow at the same time I come to the conclusion that being more honest is the right course of action.
Though it's hard to be honest with myself alone. It's really difficult to form that sort of understanding about myself. Especially since, well, I have been emotionally stunted by my parents.
To Be Better
I need to relax, basically. I need to find a way to destress and set my boundaries. And my boundaries should be firmed.
Just to chill out.