Happiness and Elden Ring
February 3rd, 2023
I bought Elden Ring for sixty bucks. The best sixty bucks of my life.
I'm a "retired gamer," but Elden Ring brought this child's happiness back. For the first time in years I felt genuine joy wandering the land in-between worlds.
Dreamy landscapes. Castles in the fog. Dragons of glittering stone. Revered knights of legends. Elden Ring is THE fantasy world.
Happiness?
I don't know exactly why I felt pure joy. Even when I took a break and ate lunch with a friend I could not contain my excitement for not only Elden Ring but for life in general.
Strangely enough, with anime and manga I don't feel that sense of joy anymore. It's repetitive and dull. The same happens when I boot up any other video game. Except for Elden Ring.
Thinking on it, for Elden Ring it's got to be the novelty and grandeur. The presentation alone makes me shake with inexplicable passion. It's just so damn cool. I don't know how else to gush about this.
I feel like Don Quixote playing this video game make-believe stuff. I still can't get over how cool it is. We're in a golden age for AAA games.
Out of My Head
Thinking over it again, I've realized Elden Ring is "good for me" because it gets me out of my head. (Elden Ring... is engrossing. Very, very engrossing.)
When I play, I'm looking out for danger and focused on the enemies and landscape. Really, it's the perfect exit from my own thoughts. It's comparable to meditation, but I have to say "video game meditation" is a lot easier.
That meditative flow state brings me such unbridled joy.
At the beginning of Sun and Steel, Yukio Mishima speaks about carrying the portable shrine underneath the blue sky. He describes "a tragedy of the flesh," or something of that sort.
Social Media Break
Another thing. I've been playing Elden Ring for eight hours everyday for the past five days. I haven't used social media much at all and spent it in the "meditative haze." My mood has improved incredibly.
Today, I returned to an alternative imageboard I frequent. I only found depressing posts. Everyone there is sad, lonely, and sick of life. Then I go to Reddit. I find flamewars. Karma farmers. Bigotry.
There's no happy end for me in online communities. I'm glad I realize it now.
I find that happy people tend to congregate in meat space. Online spaces tend to attract unsavory, unhappy people
I can readily say I was of those unhappy people. As a teenager, I was uncomfortable to be around. I had played the part of a powerless pitiable victim. I wouldn't stand up for myself and would give out profuse apologies like candy on Halloween. Sure, it's easy to be around people like my teenage self. But it's not easy to be their friend. Those pitiable people will never see you as an equal because they've placed you above themselves. And being above someone else... is not a good feeling.
Anyway, the break has done me a lot of good. It's kept me separated from the "negative energy."
My mind is clear. I'm the happiest I've been in the last half decade.
Newfound Passion
I have a passion for fantasy worlds and indulging myself in them. It's not a bad thing at all. Nowadays, it's rare that someone comes to the age of twenty-two still passionate about something. It's really a beautiful thing to witness.
I'm going to pickup painting again. Not because I want to get better. I just want to draw my fantasies out. Not that they'll be good or bad or whatever.
I also want an excuse to observe things. So when I see carefully, I really do see carefully.
I...
I enjoy life now. Elden Ring woke me up from the draining slog. The brain fog. The midnight haze. Things feel real. They feel alive.
I'm going to go do things with my life. Y'know, things that spark joy.
