Further from Humanity
April 10th, 2024
In search of normalcy, I stray further from it.
Sometimes I wonder in my head if I should stop writing the way I do, and switch to a more palatable post-ironic modern writing style. One that would, err, like this sentence here, put a better taste in people's mouth.
But I will decline. I mention this here in my About Me, this blog is for me first and foremost. I'll write as I usually do.
Views on Morality
I am not a good person, never have been. In search of being good, I've decided to abandon the moral system entirely.
Forget the logic and rationalizations. They are abstractions to me. At the core, I find there are good feelings and bad feelings---and by feelings, I mean muscle tension in the body. That to me, is justice.
Like how a vegan clenches their fists in protest of a butcher shop, that pounding sensation in their forearms and beating heart, that is both the feeling of justice and justice itself. The words exiting their mouth are echoes of the emotion; reflections of hormones coarsing in their body.
And we can socially pressure one another to accept forms of morality. We can re-wire our brains to respond differently to different criminal or non-criminal acts. But at the end of the day, I don't believe in objective morality. It's a form of subjective, instinctual, and biochemical-based morality that I accept.
"Listen---I say that justice is nothing other than the advantage of the stronger"
Mouth
Everytime I open my mouth and talk about ideas I've had, especially original ones like I've posted on this blog, I get strange reactions. Only with my odd family members (who are neurodivergent) seem to get it and understand where I'm coming from.
The strange reactions always throw me for a spin, and make me feel utterly alien among humans. It's when I let it slip do I get recalibrated though, brought back to my bearings, that I am not exactly well-synchronized with the great remainder of humanity.
The intrusive thoughts come to mind, "Am I just making things up for attention? Am I going crazy? Insane? Am I just trying hard to be quirky and different out of ego---why am I not willing to get swept up in the sway of everyone else?"
"Maybe, I am doing this to myself in some sort of narcissistic fetish!"
Zzz
Sigh. I didn't get enough sleep. Slept at 10pm and woke up at 4am, so roughly six hours. Not good. Once again, I find the evidence at my feet: my poor thoughts are correlated with my poor bodily health.
The words again present their cloudy abstractions of mistruth.
