Fuck Reddit, Fuck 4chan
October 26, 2022
Fuck Reddit. Fuck 4chan. I hate posting on these fucking shitty ass websites and all anyone anywhere does is give me bullshit to deal with.
I. don't. need. anymore. bullshit. in. my. life. FUCK.
Why the fuck do I keep coming back? Am I some trauma abuse victim? Fuck this piece of shit I'm going to fucking blow my fucking computer up if I ever have to open those websites again. They just make me so angry, and whether that's good or not I'll leave it up to you.
Why Do I Keep Coming Back?
Because it's my only source of real emotional connection. I don't feel emotionally connected to most people. I just feel... distant. I feel disconnected. I feel like I don't really get to know people or get angry for people or get happy for people. I notice most people don't really care for my wellbeing either.
Maybe it's this city. Maybe it's this fucking city I need to get out of. Maybe I need to move to a new city and meet more likeminded people.
I don't know. I really don't know.
I just feel so fucking powerless over my own fate. I'm not sure where I'm even going with my life anymore, besides to make more money and cashflow into my bank account.
Is there any point in staying hopeful? I'm not sure I understand, if at all. I don't. Surely, the hero of the story stays hopefule. The hero of the story stays hopeful and triumphs against all odds, a true underdog story.
I don't have to tell you reality. You know it. Underdogs. Never. Win. Very rarely do they do if ever. What am I supposed to do, keep hoping for the best? Be positive? Bring up everyone around me?
I'm sick of everyone's shit. They all hate my ass. Who gives a shit though? Why do I care what other people think about me? They can go fuck a donkey for all I care.
But the humanism inside of me still speaks to me, it still tells me to care for people. It still tells me to take care of people. To do things for other people, because that's all there is in this world. Each other. Or some corny shit like that. Fuck.
Grappling with my distinct insecurity and hatred of humanity and the humanism inside me that really prevails. It's easy for me to do things for others when I don't have to talk to them, quite frankly.
Why the fuck are men attracted to philosophy? I hope not. I really hope not. Is it some stupid, inane activity? I don't understand.
I just want to live a good life. I want to live a life that's low on the regret-o-meter. Few regrets. If anything, I think I've already failed enough in that regard. I have so many regrets already.
But I feel fine right now. I guess when I lie on my deathbed, I'll know for sure if I really am fine. Probably not.
I fucking hate people. Snarky bastards. Traitors. Don't give a shit about me. Give a shit about yourselves. And. Of course, I'm no different.
FUCK.
Resolve to Improve
I'm not sure if there's somebody I'd like to become to be honest. Actually, let me answer that: no. There's nobody I want to become. I don't see anyone else as a role model honestly.
We need heros and champions to become, but somewhere in my mind that idea rotted away. I don't have any heroes in my story. I'm quite sad.
Oh, woe is me! Woe is me. Fuck! Woe is me!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
What the fuck am I going to do about it
Well first I need to express my emotional state. Here, of course. I'm angry. Angry at every fucking thing in this world, so I'm going to sit here and bitch about it until I'm not. Fuck you. Stop fucking reading then if you don't fucking like it, you fucking dick.
God. Just imagine me in public. I'd be a menace. I'd fucking rip everything to shreds and break windows. God. I feel good imagining it.
It's frustrating you know? It's really frustrating all of this horseshit. Indulging. Fucking, making money, doing all this inane bullshit. What for? What's the fucking point?
I need to see a human face. Soon. I'm going fucking insane.
I don't get it. I really don't get how isolated most people are. It's frustrating even to imagine how little we know of people. I DM people more frequently on Discord now, and even then, I'm feeling more shitty and more lonely than ever. Has this been culminating in the back of my mind, this whole time?
Maybe I need to go lift. Maybe I need to go fucking talk to someone. I don't know. I don't feel close to my friends. I don't feel close to anyone. I don't feel anything right now. Maybe because I want to skullfuck some sick bastard. Fuck that piece of shit. I want to dip his head on a stake.
I'm feeling angry still. Less. But still angry enough to break windows. I hate this shitty ass world. Can it just hold on and chill the fuck out? I don't give a shit! I don't give a shit! Fuck off!
Of course I care to an extent. God I fucking hate this stupid shit.
Why ask me those questions if you aren't going to be interested in what I have to say? Does it sound like I'm bragging? What the fuck? Maybe I should say I just chilled the fuck out? I don't know. What the fuck. I don't understand.
Fuck this shit. Peace.