Flu
September 13th, 2025
This morning I woke up with the flu. My throat was really dry and I found my body aching and in disarray.
I realize that I don't really reach out to people for attention. Like I don't seek out their attention, so I don't really feel close to anyone. Maybe that's just my way of expressing extreme fear of rejection. Fear that I'll be rejected in my "bid for attention."
I played Deltarune last night. It was fun. I enjoyed the characters, and I enjoy the little lines about childhood. Things like sitting on a bunch of stacked chairs in a kindergarten classroom, or poking two fingers in the holes of picnic tables at the park.
It's not that serious.
I think it really just is the way it is. And to accept it more readily, honestly.
Hookup culture, dating, finding loved ones, managing friends, only fans, purity culture, sex, money, capitalism, eating out, relationships, culture wars, class war, shootings, politics, blah blah blah.
It's not that serious. I think it's bad, yes, but I don't see it on the streets. Pay attention to what happens in your day to day, and not what the TV is telling you.
Just relax. Enjoy the time. Enjoy life.
Cancelling
I had to cancel all my plans today because I woke up with the flu. It's unfortunate, but it's the responsible thing to do. My body aches a bit, and I'm probably going to have to spend this weekend recovering.
I need to get some chicken soup, or order some food at the bare minimum. I'm a bit tired.
The girl from Hinge who found my Instagram messaged me again this week. I think I came off as really judgemental and rude. Or perhaps it's in my head. But personally I think I'm losing interest.
I shouldn't do this to a girl especially, it should really be the other way around where I'm the one chasing and she's losing interest. But to be honest, I'm getting more and more tired of thinking about relationships and all that. Too complicated.
I should just do the things I love, and if love comes to me, so be it! If not, so be it as well.
Organizing
I never organized events in the past, because, well, I was always afraid I'd be rejected. That nobody would want to come to my events.
Maybe that's the issue, emotional immaturity. But my therapist says I should be more kind to myself.
I think I'm more prone to sad thoughts when I'm feeling sick and weak. I've got to get my body back in shape.
Dear reader, I really ought to buy my bike. I feel most of my life's problems would go away.