First Post
June 7, 2022
A Little About Me
It's been a while since I last updated this place. Almost 2 years to be exact. I was 19 years old when I first started this project, with aspirations to become an artist.
This website was originally intended to become the place to host a surrealist comic called "Lanhful." It's about an anthromorphic fish named Lanhful in a well-tailored suit. In episodic chapters, our fishy friend would routinely experience epileptic dream sequences, ended promptly each time with the words, "Something's not quite right."
Unfortunately, I grew up. I'm no longer a teen anymore, in fact I'm turning 22 in about a month. And, quite frankly, the idea probably would not have taken off. Nonetheless, I still find the idea quite interesting enough to have remembered it after so many years.
When I first started this I was a lonely college student just starting his undergrad, now I am a lonely college student just about finishing up his undergrad. I am currently in school studying a Computer Science degree somewhere in the United States.
Here in this place I'll bumble around and just talk about my life. A bit aimless, if you'll excuse me, but perhaps you could relate to it to an extent. I'll try my best to keep you the reader in mind, but I will give no promises. (I was taught that it's poor form to not keep the audience in mind whenever speaking, but I just can't help myself. These are like my own Meditations.)
And besides, it's not like the internet is not wanting in some good 'ol blabbering content. The rise of curated, monetized TikInstaFaceRedditChanTerest content can get quite stale sometimes.
On a side note, I do enjoy reading others' personal blogs from time-to-time, just to get that sense of humanization that's so desperately needed on the internet, and I hope you can too.
What I've Been Up To
These past few years I've transitioned away from drawing. I lived a few stressful years studying for an engineering degree. Not that the engineering degree was difficult to study for, but rather the impending doom of not knowing what to do with my life struck me with a hard blow. I've always been fairly book smart in my life and concepts came to me quick. Of course, the tradeoff is that my street-smarts is no greater than a blind racoon. But I digress.
I don't draw anymore. I don't really write anymore these days either (I'm trying to pick that back up, as evident by this post.) It was only since last December did I pick up programming and program a neat little full-stack application that I won't fully detail here because of privacy issues. It gets a nice 20-40 users consistently, so I appreciate the attention. Cryptocurrency communities are quite tight-knit and full of weirdoes, so I'll be keeping the privacy kept down.
I switched majors to Computer Science this January on a whimsical feeling, or shall I say, an overwhelming depression of my prospects. At wits' end, as they call it, and feeling quite hopeless of the future I cast away the fact I was to graduate that semester and switched majors. Better now than 5 years down the line.
And so, I did this and that, participated in some projects, and landed myself an IT internship this summer. Not knowing that I wouldn't be programming at all though, since, officially, it's an IT internship. I was dumb not to ask what exactly I would be doing, but it felt like I was bamboozled a bit by the recruiting coordinator by purposefully masking that away from me.
The internship is alright, but I am more concerned by what it allowed me. It paid really well, and more importantly it meant moving away from my parents and into my own apartment with my older brother. I suffered a sort of verbal abuse barrage everyday living with my mother, and my father suffered the same without any willpower to stand up against her. At the time, I had no idea what affect it had on my mentality until now.
Living alone has been a little bit lonely, but the relief of not having to deal with constant yelling and fighting is something to be thankful for. I am perhaps more thankful for that than any small feelings of loneliness that come about.
The internship pays rather well, and is a testament that I can be employed and fund my own lifestyle. The only question left is, well, what to do with my life at this point. I am free from my parents, and from all the expectations society expects of me. Now what? What is there to do?
And that question, will probably be what this blog is about. I stopped asking these sorts of existential angsty questions as a I got older, but I'm glad I'm taking the time out to write about them again here. If you're a teenager reading this, just know the feeling really does not go away as you get older as an adult, but you figure you've got to do something with your life anyway.