Discourse
May 19th, 2026
This morning the water was out. Apparently my landlord needed to do maintenance, so I begrudgingly showered at my workplace after enduring some time biking and getting on the train.
I re-read some of my earlier Lanhful entries while on the train. Sometimes I forget about who I am, and I forget that writing is my way of being who I am.
When I write for myself, I don't really consider anyone else in mind. When I engage in dialogue with others, I serve others' interests, but I don't serve my own interests that well. It's all tragic in a sense, but I am not too sure about it honestly.
I was thinking a lot of thoughts on the train ride back from work, how the map is not the territory and the meaning and power of words and why we are here on this earth and planet and what I had set out to achieve in reflection of my life.
Have you ever read a book on someone who goes through multiple phases of life? One where people who guided one during one phase leave during another?
Or perhaps you've experienced this yourself, friends from elementary school who disappear and phase out only to appear in a stopping stroll in your hometown.
When I look back on the entries I had written on Lanhful, and I see brief mentions of friends and people who I can't even fathom to recall anymore. The only thing I have being a singular letter, it makes me really reconcile and think, what is the life I've lived if I cannot even remember it that well?
Or perhaps, accepting of it. That perhaps, my life, is one where I forget quite often. References to people who I used to think about a lot, now, I can't even seem to recall their faces or what their personalities were like at the time.
I can only remember how they made me feel.
Continuance
The problems we face here in the now, oh dear, for whatever reason is it? We try so hard to engineer our lives and choose our paths and plan it out, for what purpose? What an age we live in when our stressors and worries face us five years in the future!
We turn to things not in our immediate grasp. I find it quite funny.
But more importantly, I want to continue my question. What is the right thing to do?
I still do not know. It's funny, after all these years. What is the right thing to do?
I started this blog in 2019 intending it to be a fishy fish blog about surrealist art, but look where we are now.
How should one live their life? I still do not know. I have aged six years since I first wondered that question on this site, jumping into surrealist texts, but the question is, really, how should one live their life?