Direction
April 8th, 2024
Where should I spend my time? (Should I be lost in the abstraction? Or should I forget about the meta-understanding, and live the dream?)
I felt a neediness in me, to talk to a new friend I've made. "Why aren't they responding fast enough?"---the intrusive thoughts enter my mind. Maybe this is why I don't make friends; I can feel my self-aware self-loathing increasing.
Boners
My sexual health hasn't been better. My dick got so hard it was painful today (ouch.) That hasn't happened since I was a teenager. Why am I telling you this? Because... that's what's on my mind. Sorry.
I guess whatever I'm doing it's working. I eat ginger, garlic, turmeric, and onions every morning. I'm trying to increase my testosterone levels to maximize my muscle gain. It's working to an extent.
I went to the doctor. They said my weight loss is great (I don't have much fat anymore.) Though, I will mention that the doctor accepted my request to test my testosterone and insulin levels. I am slightly convinced I may be diabetic or pre-diabetic.
To be fair, I didn't expect him to accept, especially since I am very skinny, not fat.
I can see the veins in my forearms again, and after eating beans my skin is smooth. I don't think I've ever been this healthy in my life.
Though from time to time, I still feel a little foggy in my brain. Or hard to concentrate. Or hard to focus my eyes.
I'm going to try and not worry. I'm going to go play some racquet sports.
