Cabin Fever
January 7th, 2025
It's the seventh of January, I've been sick with the flu for about a week and a half now. I've been isolating myself from talking to others, and it's been taking a toll on my mental well-being.
Not in the sense that I am thinking of suicidal ideation or anything of that sort, rather, I feel a bit unease. Like I'm not at my peak or prime just a couple weeks ago before visiting for the holidays.
My mind just doesn't feel... right. Like in the right cognitive space. Like I've lost my peace. Because I can't accept what's happened. That I might really have to disown my parents. And it's a weird standstill we're at, that I don't really like to mention it or bring it up, but it's eating away at my psyche.
These negative emotions are just going to boil down and eat away at my psyche. I need to confront this and get an answer—am I going to stay in contact with my parents? There's a part of me that still wants to try.
I think I'm having a Prince Zuko moment, where I have all this negative emotion, and there's a part of me that could say: "Hold on!" That I don't have to act on it, and rather, probably what I need to do is just process and feel it out. That rage. That frustration.
When we talk about process, I think we talk about permission. And feelings. I have full permission to feel anything I want. There's a part of me that says no! Don't feel that, but that part is to protect me until I'm in a safe enough spot to feel it. There's an exhaustion for sure. But if I don't give myself permission to feel sad and angry, then I will carry those negative emotions into my day to day in my underlying subconscious.