Big Picture
August 30th, 2025
Take a step back, and look at your life from the big picture. I find it's easiest to do this when you're laying in a patch of grass and looking up towards the blue, blue sky.
The big picture. The whole lot of it. As the time flies and years slip underneath your feet, asking, what really was it all?
Today I had a lot of wins and a lot of losses. I registered my LLC. I passed my written tests at the DMV. I scored a win for my team on an urgent request. I got to setting up autopay on my bills. My bank account has a disgusting amount of cash in it, and I feel incredibly lucky.
But I struggled to help a teammate, and for whatever reason I had a hard time being a good listener and conversationalist for a friend. Probably because, I was really hungry.
Hey, so, what's the end result?
Lee Kuan Yew said that marriage and children are much more important than any work you do. I've neither. The big picture tells me that finding love and companionship are what matters the most.
So many longitudinal studies show relationships are our greatest predictors for health and happiness—but you don't need to hand me a study to remind me my greatest memories are when I'm having honest fun with loved ones.
And you don't need a study to convince me that spending most of my life alone is lonely.
It's because I'm not honest with people—my fear of rejection is so strong that I fail to connect in any meaningful manner.
That's the big picture. I think most have more moral strength and character than I do. They can achieve the bigger picture quite easily.
And, what will I do about it?
The Biggest Picture
A bit of a wild take, but I think I'm going to start cross-dressing. I like dresses, and frankly, I'm going to go wear them.
I know it's a weird conclusion to make, but really, if I can wear a dress while riding public transit, do I really fear any rejection anymore? And I'm not that cute, sure, but what have I left to lose? Let's just do the things I like and practice being really, really honest with myself.
The irony. My mother wanted me to be a daughter, and instead she got a son dressing as a daughter. But I don't care. I like lolita dresses.