Better and Better
May 12th, 2024
I have two months until I start my next job. No sweat.
My libido is high. My d*ck is hard every morning. I go for a jog and do calisthenics.
I lift weights. I try to eat healthier and healthier. I am going to stack as much muscle as I can.
I have a small frame. Thin wrists. Small joints. It hits my ego a bit.
I'm a twink. I've been all my life.
It's time to change.
Sleep
My sleep got fucked up. I feel it. My ankles are sore and aching. Pretty sure I'm injured.
Not sure what to do.
Time
I've got a lot of time on my hands. What to do?
I'm being indecisive. Today's Mother's Day. Let's just start with that.
Male Competition
Why do we naturally gravitate towards male competition?
When I think when I was a boy, seven or so years of age, I played in sports. Of course I was weak. I keenly observed that when the girls were bad at sports, they were genuinely encouraged to do better. Egged on. "It's okay!" they would say.
The amount of patience for girls were a lot more. And---rightfully so, no? We all know that girls physically are born with different biological characteristics. From a moral standpoint of the behaviour on part of girls, I have no qualms.
For boys though, at least my personal experience, there was disappointment. "You need to try harder." The words would be rougher and edged a little harsher. The intention of encouragement was still the same, but the words were harsher and more brutal. And if you failed, you weren't worth the time and investment compared to a more talented boy. You were shamed.
I couldn't meet expectation so I dropped out of sports early on. I regret it. My father should've been more patient with me as he was with my sister. My sister grew healthy during puberty. I didn't so much do so.
Should we be as harsh on our boys? Perhaps. I think we're harsher because we instinctively know men have to compete. They almost have to get stronger than the other men and we should push them to do so. (Because, frankly, 51% of babies are male. 49% are female. If monogamy is practiced, there will always be men who lose evolutionarily speaking.)
But there's that argument that boys are stronger and should be expected to be so. What if they're born biologically weaker? I was. I had asthma. Why wasn't I given the same treatment? Why was I shamed instead of supported?
I'll think about it.
Before and After
I picked up a picture of myself two years ago.
Holy shit my face got more masculine. What a radical change. Maybe testosterone and exercise really does a number.
And wisdom teeth...