Be Yourself Lmao
July 16, 2022
Oh no, another fucker is going to tell you to "be yourself."
Actually, no, I'm not here to do that. I'm going to detail my experience regarding "be yourself."
I made the decision recently to be more genuine, which means I show how I truly feel straight onto my face. It means I say what I really think. I listen to music that I think is really good, and I drink alcohol only when I want to. I don't censor myself. I don't pretend to be someone else. I don't try to be someone else. I tell people how I think if they ask or if I feel like it. I don't pretend to be awesome or perfect or whatever.
Actually, I'm depressing and uncaring. I really don't give a shit about most people. I'm arrogant, cocky, selfish, and a raging narcissist. I've tried my hardest to be someone else (someone nice), but it never worked out. I was always still alone by myself. So, a few days ago I decided I might as well be a lonely narcissistic bastard instead of a lonely phony nice guy.
So, without further ado: what I got from being myself.
Just Be Yourself
The first thing: the amount of self-esteem you gain from acceptance. You earn your self-respect because you accept who you are. If other people give me shit, I have the respect to not eat it. They can fuck off. That's only something you gain when you accept who you are good and bad.
The second thing: people appreciate an honest bastard. Especially if you give off main character vibes. NPCs are boring, because they say the same thing everyone else says and keep it safe. People tend to respond better when they feel a human connection. It makes sense in the way that people like engaging with characters in media that are really interesting and emotionally complex. And not, well, NPCs who never open up out of safety.
The third thing: people will fucking hate you or fucking love you. Most people won't give a shit about you. But, internal acceptance allows you to accept that fact. Yeah, people are going to fling shit at me. People are going to want to fuck me or fuck me over. People are going to not even acknowledge that I exist on this shitty planet with them. That's all completely fine. But the key here is that the way I act is not because I'm expecting people to sling shit at my face or fuck me, it's because I want to. That's the real power of being yourself. Instead of doing this and that to make sure they are happy or they are going to acknowledge your shitty existence, you just "become are am."
That didn't make any sense, but it's like in a Taoist sense that you just exist. Less thinking. More being. "Become are am."
The fourth thing: I feel at peace. No more people pleasing. No more fucking bullshit. No more uncomfortable conversations. I'm in full control now. I do what I want, and I don't give a shit.
I used to always pretend smile and be happy all the time. Now I frown. I'm depressed. I'm neutral-faced. I listen to melancholic sadboy gay music all day on Spotify and tell people to fuck off.
It sounds miserable on paper, but I've actually never been more at peace and happy in my life. It's the feeling I get when I'm alone sketching or painting in nature. Or the feeling I get when I'm reading a book. The feeling I get when I'm just drinking my shitty Costco green tea on the porch watching the rain pitter-patter across the fucking street. I just get to be me, and I don't have to be anyone else. Plus, I'm never exhausted after having a conversation with someone anymore.
So yeah. Those are my observations.
Some Notes
I was a people-pleaser before this. What that means: I was always "working at Chick-fil-a" and had that happy customer service aura around me 24/7. I know some people complain about having to smile all the time at their service job, but in comparison I was doing that for every single minute of my social life. School, work, talking to parents, talking to "friends," talking to the lost stray dog down the street, talking to a shitty baby that's crying loudly, and talking to authority figures in my life (who, by the way, loved the Chick-fil-a aura. Fuck them.) It's no wonder why I'd want to stay inside and never talk to people. It's exhausting working at Chick-fil-a (for free too! That's fucking gay.)
I'd be pretty good at a service job, but I'd probably hang myself. Jesus. Fuck that bullshit you know? Always having to be happy and shit, fuck.
I feel this phoniness didn't exist back then. Only since the introduction of modern society has this bullshit started happening. If you watch interviews of people back in the 1940s, they feel more real than most people now. Notice how relaxed they are and not forcing a smile for the camera. How they might come off as boring a little bit and not excited, but they seem all the more real and interesting for it. They feel like real, breathing human beings even if they're all fucking dead right now. If you watch interviews nowadays, you'll find a much different environment. We're an ultra-censored society that places high value on first impressions. Everyone's always smiling and being happy and trying to keep a good image for the camera instead of just chilling the fuck out.
If you're asking for a source on that previous paragraph, just fucking fire up YouTube and click any USA street interview video. It's all a fucking clown show. These aren't real human beings, they're fucking caricatures making a good first impression.
That might be the key contributor to the depression outbreak honestly. Hating who you are, hiding who you are, and then trying to be someone else. Doing fucking everything in the world from moving mountains to shitting in hotel beds except accepting who you are.
Just look at all the bullshit hustlers on TikTokGramHub telling you that you need to be someone else. "That you gotta' have that energy and you gotta' get your ass up off the table." Fuck that noise. Listen to YOU. Stop trying to be some bitch boy whoring yourself out on the Tube because some gay ass kid tells you to and takes advantage of your easy-to-manipulate ego and envy just to feed his/her shitty ego via views and likes. WAKE UP.
My bad, I said I wouldn't tell you what to do at the beginning of this bullshit. But hey, I'm going to tell you that I really would recommend "just be yourself." Stop pretending to be giga-sigma side-hustling day-trading forex-busting course-creating network-forming 5am-waking Jocko-listening piece of dogshit. That's animal manure, and it's like drinking fucking bleach for the soul. (Clean, great! Don't get me wrong, it has its benefits. But you're fucking dead inside.)
I guess I feel like Holden from Catcher in the Rye. Complaining about how fake everything is (and failing to realize the fakeness inside, whatever's left,) but at least I understand the reasoning behind it unlike Holden. I totally get it. Some people just don't want to be themselves. They don't want the rejection of the world if they were to be themselves (which, 100% would happen.) I get that. I totally get it. But being yourself also feels good as fuck.
So I guess that's my experience and thoughts on being yourself. You get a lot from yourself if you do it. It's a good deal in my opinion. Of course, sucking up to managers, rich powerful people, and everyone you meet will get you pretty far in life materialistically speaking. But you'll have to trade your soul for it. That's a decision for you to make.